Our Beautiful Baby

Today, we received the best present ever - more photos of our daughter! She has been moved to a foster facility in Addis Ababa, to wait for a few more legal documents and then for our trip to meet her.

I cannot believe how much she is changing... she is already sitting, crawling and even pulling to a stand. Her smile is heart-melting. She has already received her first haircut. We cannot wait to meet her, face to face.

Enjoy the photos!

Your Name

Violet Mariam Amaro, your names are special.

Mariam is part of your birth name. It represents your birthplace and your roots in Africa. The name given to you in Ethiopia was: "Mariamawit". When we first saw pictures of you (when you were only four months old!), we fell in love with your beautiful face, your big eyes, your crazy patch of curly hair, and your personality - yes, even from pictures it was obvious that you were energetic, fun and curious about the world around you. Over the next few months, we called you Mariam. On one of your doctor's notes from Ethiopia, your name was spelled "Maryamwit" and on your birth certificate it is spelled "Maramawit". Your name means both "Star of the Sea" and "Gift of Mary".

Violet is a name your father and I gave you as our gift to you. In the Bible, God sometimes gives people new names to represent a promise He made to them, or a fresh start in their life. We wanted to give you a beautiful, new name to represents our love, the promise of a new life, and your unshakable place in our family. As we memorized every feature in those first few photos, we saw you in two ways: From some angles, you were a sweet, precious baby - innocent and pure. From other angles, we could already see a foreshadow of the "grown up" you - strikingly beautiful, sophisticated, confident and strong. We worked very hard to select a name that would suit all sides of you - sweet, but strong. Like the African Violet plant. Like you, it's delicate, but fiercely strong when it's taken care of properly. Like you, it is velvety... looks best in rich purple... soft to the touch... colorful... cheerful. And, like you, it handles transition with grace. (It is technically called "Saintpaulia" - aren't you glad we didn't name you that?!)

Amaro is our family's last name. It originally comes from Italy, but spent a very long time in Mexico before it was brought to the United States by your great grandfather. My last name used to be Lawler, which is a name that comes from Ireland, like a lot of my family. When I married your dad, I chose to wear his name instead of mine - we became one family. Someday you might choose to wear your husband's name instead of "Amaro" - that is your choice to make. (But in the meantime, having a name that starts with "A" means you'll always get to be at the front of the line in school!) The Amaros and the Lawlers are strong families with beautiful histories full of love, really funny stories and most importantly, a passion for loving and serving Jesus.

Your names represent your past and your future, the many people who have loved you, and your identity as a child of God. Wear them proudly - they tell your story.

And when life gets confusing, they will remind you of who you are.

She's Ours!

Last night, sometime in the middle of the night, somewhere in a court room in Ethiopia, our case passed. We officially have a daughter! Baby Violet will be 9 months old next week, and we'll be able to travel to get her in approximately 8 weeks.

We are still trying to adjust our brains from the "She might be ours" to the "She's legally an Amaro!" status, which is harder than I expected! After so many, many months of guarding our hearts... our family just grew by one. God is so faithful... and His timing is perfect in every way.

Last night, however, we slept horribly. The house was full of unrest all night... even Daniel seemingly sensed it and was awake every hour or so, crying. After a "false alarm" at our last court date, we were prepared for bad news in the morning.

I woke up early to check email and my phone. All I found was a "no news yet" email and no missed calls. Two hours slowly crept by, with new emails popping up from various sources and stopping my heart - but still no news. I had my phone with me all morning, but walked away for about 60 seconds and managed to miss The Call. Our wonderful case manager left us a congratulatory message, and Fernando and I sat on the edge of our bed staring at each other, blinking back tears.

We. Have. A. Daughter.

Ironically, the day was already going to be full of adoption related errands and events - a trip downtown to get our fingerprints renewed and a long webinar on the intricacies of adoption travel. We announced the news to a few long distance friends and family first, then to our wonderful church staff family, and then we posted it to the world via Facebook... dozens and dozens of comments and tearful congratulations piled up within minutes.

Throughout the entire day, I have been reminded repeatedly of the communal nature of adoption. Her birth community was not able to care for her, but as our family opened it's arms, our community opened their hearts. The flood of joyful responses came from every end of our lives - friends, family, social workers, case managers, government employees, pastors, acquaintances, and even complete strangers who (unbeknownst to us) have been praying faithfully for us for years.

One of the Facebook comments said it well: "Welcome baby girl Violet. A little girl could not be more loved than you are!"

Guess we should go ahead and paint the nursery! :)

The Wait

The past few weeks have flown by, honestly. Tomorrow is court date number two (still a 50% chance for being rescheduled, again) and we are holding it together better than last time. You know... staying busy, not thinking about it too much.

But while I have been not thinking about it, I have had lots of time to think about it. Funny how that works.

And what I have realized is that there is power in waiting. There is depth in delayed gratification and finding yourself at the mercy of unknown reasons and logic. There is a beautiful completion that can only come when you stop being the center of your universe and find yourself a tiny speck in a much larger masterpiece.

Fancy words to only say this: I can't exactly put my finger on it, but something has changed during the wait.

There's a great quote by Sue Monk Kidd that says this: "When you are waiting you are not doing nothing. You're doing something. You're allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be."

We are ready now in a way we were not last year, or even last month. The "us" of last year might have felt prepared to receive our baby, but God knew better. I even feel a little ashamed at how brash we must have sounded - how ungrateful and impatient. But every day since then, God has quietly and faithfully led us to a place of deeper rest in Him, and total trust. He has helped us mature, and has fully prepared our hearts for another child.

We are, finally, ready.

And I never could have understood the need for the wait before going through this process - I'm not even sure I understand it entirely now. But to any parent waiting for their referral, or to anyone stuck in a seemingly endless period of "no answers", let me just say that God is at work. The wait is not just filler - not just a lesson in patience. It has purpose. You can absolutely trust that God has you and your answer on a collision course - you will grow and mature together, and you will collide at the perfect time, in the perfect state of readiness.

Looking back now, that's easy to see.

Rescheduled

We got news this morning, but it wasn't what we would have liked to have heard.

After a crazy night tossing and turning, full of nerves and insane dreams, we found an email just a few moments ago from our case manager that our court date had been rescheduled to February 2nd.

Needless to say, this was not fun to read - we are still trying to "snap out of it" and not be frustrated. There are lots of good things at work here, so for the sake of my sanity, let's focus on a few of these right now.

1) At this time last year, reschedules were two or three months away. This is only a few weeks.

2) The only reason for the reschedule was that a certain necessary piece of paperwork had not been submitted on time by someone on the Ethiopian side of things, which is apparently normal and not cause for alarm.

3) Our fingerprints are about to expire - we are in the process of renewing them but it might take a week or two more than expected. This delay allows for that renewal to happen smoothly.

4) We are still not 100% decided on a name. We have a lot of options, and of course will be incorporating her given name, but hadn't come to a final decision. I would really like to "introduce" her to our family and friends with a photo AND a name. This gives us breathing room to settle on something without feeling rushed.

5) And just for good measure, it's another chance to learn to trust God's timing. We are getting better at it, but it's not easy. And this morning felt like a "setback" honestly. But I welcome another chance to align myself with the bigger plan and not get so selfish with the details.

Anyway. Does it sound like I have convinced myself yet? Maybe if I read this a few more times it might actually work!

The Date

Well, we have a court date. The email came on December 30th (a date I had been repeatedly praying for without knowing why... I remember feeling frustrated when I realized we weren't going to be scheduled for a court date on this date. Then the email came.)

On January 15th, 2010, while we sleep soundly in our beds, halfway around the world our little girl's case will be heard in an Ethiopian court. By noon, we'll have received a phone call either way. Yes, she's ours. Or no, the case was rescheduled due to a paperwork issue, a legality, or any other ill-prepared detail that might rear it's head. We have a 50% chance of "yes".

For those that don't know, the actual court case has almost nothing to do with our family. Instead, the judge, the orphanage director, the police officer who found her, and I believe a representative from the Ministry of Women's Affairs will meet to determine if she is in fact an orphan, and if so, has her status been appropriated documented on the local and national levels. Is adoption truly the best option for her? And if it is, we just happen to be the family ready to take her in. In that case, we will be given legal custody... she will become our daughter, in Ethiopia's eyes.

For the most part, I am trying not to think about it. My stomach drops out every time someone asks questions or tells me they will be praying. The amount of butterflies is out of control - I am intensely nervous. And excited.

One way or the other, in about 36 hours, my phone will ring.

Sister Come Quickly

Dear Baby Sister,

Your Big Brother is ready for you to be home.

His best friend, Ava, has a little sister named Emma about your age. When we ask Daniel, "What is your baby sisters name?" sometimes he says "Emma". And when we say, "No Daniel, that is Ava's sister. What is YOUR sister's name?" he looks around the room slowly, then holds out his hands and says, "Where IS my baby sister?"

He is helping us pick out some names that might go well with your beautiful Ethiopian name. But so far, his favorite is still "blue". Sometimes he tells us "I have a blue baby sister". Blue is his favorite color, so this must be a good thing.

When he is playing with his play food, he picks out favorites for the whole family. He has given you "ice-cream" as your favorite food, and purple as your favorite color. (He gave the rest of us assignments too: Daddy has "crunchy pickles" and the color green, Mommy has "apples" and the color red, and Daniel has "muffins" and the color blue.)

When we tell stories at night about families of dinosaurs or clouds, the family always has a purple baby sister dinosaur, or a tiny baby sister cloud. He never lets us forget that part.

And every single time he prays, Daniel thanks Jesus for his baby sister. We don't ever have to remind him... you are already a part of his life and his family. Even now, we are a family of four.

Baby Sister, come quickly.

I Dream of Purple

I have dreamt of adoption throughout this entire process... but last night's dream was different. It was abstract, to be sure, but the emotions were fresh and completely real.

I dreamt that our daughter was brought to the house to be with us - but she was blonde, looked Scandinavian, and was a toddler - she ran through the house exclaiming how happy she would be to make this her home. In spite of the social worker's calmness, I kept asking about our REAL daughter - where was she? Who was this? What had happened?

The urgency in my heart to get to our real daughter and find her - and to not accept anyone else in her place - was such a strong sensation. I woke up realizing how very much ours she already is. This baby... this actual little girl... not a theory or a hypothetical. Chosen for us - by us - and already loved by us.

Since Daniel moved rooms, the nursery has been pretty much shut off, out of sight, out of mind. Now it has become this space looming with possibilities, and almost tangibly aching to be filled. It feels deeply empty until she's here to fill the void. Our family of three is suddenly so very incomplete without her here.

Baby girl - when you look back on the process by which you came to the family, I hope you see how very much you were cherished, adored and longed for even before you arrived home. Your place has always been with us.

Now hurry up and get here already.

Word of Encouragement

I love our agency. This was sent out in place of their standard weekly newsletter... perfect timing for me (and I'm sure dozens of other waiting families as well).

Dear Ethiopia Families,

This weeks newsletter is a little different. I pray you will find it inspirational. It's written by Patricia Ward. Enjoy.

We share a lot of statistics with prospective adoptive families …. “average” wait times, “approximate” time between this and that, number of families traveling, number of children home, the list goes on and on.

We try to prepare families for all the things that could happen, good or bad, and pray that everything goes smoothly. Sometimes it works that way. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes for some reason, things are inexplicably difficult and drag on and on for what seems like forever, serving no purpose. Parents and Case Managers alike become frustrated and discouraged. If God called us to this work on behalf of His orphans in the world, why is it so hard?

When you distill all the feelings associated with international adoption, it probably comes down to two basic emotions – love and fear. Love for children you have never seen, thousands of miles away, is something that cannot be explained. Fear that it is never going to happen is probably easier to explain. A sense of helplessness, being totally out of control, is common and manifests itself in a myriad of ways.

Today, all that changed for one family and three children. A family’s adoption story that has been long and arduous, even before they applied to adopt from Ethiopia. Three children who were referred a year ago and have been tied up in the system. Then the miraculous happened, and in almost the blink of an eye it was all over and the adoption was finished. Our CWAE attorney in Addis sent the following quote that a friend had posted on their blog. I shared it with the adoptive mom when I called her with the good news. She said it was so true. I sent her the pictures of her new children with their biological mother, after court was over. She said those pictures made it all worth the wait. May these words bless your heart today.

"Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in they way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands."

And as Steve Brown would say, “Now you think about that.” Have a blessed weekend.

The Wait. Again.

Waiting, waiting and more waiting.

Our little girl's medicals are taking a long time, but not because it's bad news. So far, she's been healthy in every test result we've seen. The holdup is the required second HIV test and the reagent necessary to administer the test.

Honestly, I didn't think that the wait AFTER receiving photos and a referral would be this hard. Since June of 2008 when we began this process, the focus has been on receiving a referral, and the wait that happens until that point. Never did I think about the wait in between seeing your child's face and actually meeting them - it's been brutal.

I know this stage will fade from memory as soon as we're past it... but for right now, it seems interminable.

Of Two Minds

My heart is so confused.

We have nine beautiful photos of a beautiful baby girl who could very well be the daughter we've been waiting for. So why am I not doing cartwheels and jumping jacks every second of the day?

My heart should be happy - instead, it's retreating. And I know it well enough to know why: It's scared. So many things could go wrong - her health... legal issues... document problems... The sea of uncertainty has quietly convinced my heart to stay unattached.

There is safety in distance, but there is also... distance. Deep down, I know that my cautiousness, while seemingly warranted, is nothing more than fear is disguise. I'm scared of getting hurt and having my heart broken.

How incredibly selfish.

That precious little baby is alone, in an orphanage, without family, without the comfort and parental love we take for granted every day. Her hope for a mother is now with me, and I'm emotionally unavailable for fear of losing her?

In her first few months of life, she has lost more than most people lose in a lifetime. She needs someone to have faith and be fearless for her - to take her future firmly into their heart and not give up.

So, I've decided. My first parental act towards this sweet new life will be: Hope. I will put my faith in God, and His plans for her life. She is first and foremost HIS child and He loves her more than I could ever imagine.

And so far, His plans have led her to us - it's such a beautiful story already - hope from tragedy. Beauty from sadness. And I will not allow my faithlessness and weak attempts at self-preservation to ruin or darken this miracle in the making.

Hello Referral

It happened. We got the call. Twice, actually.

I had just finished giving a tour to 13 Australian pastors at work which was apparently God's idea of irony after the defaming Australian news story that hit the world last week about our agency.

Still feeling angry at the reporter (and irrationally, all of Australia) of COURSE I would have to hang out with a bunch of Australians that day. But of course they were wonderful people, and as if to symbolize my closure, at the very end of the tour, my cell phone rang with an unknown number.

"Hello, this is Sue Kramer with Christian World Adoption."

My heart stopped. I had truly not expected this.

She continued, "I have some information I'd like to share with you... but... oh no! I just noticed the time! I have to be present at a webinar for an hour. I will call you back after that."

WHAT?!

So for an hour we participated in the webinar with our hearts racing and stomachs churning. God's timing is perfect... the information we received during that hour was more than helpful. It contained all the answers to my uncertainties and questions regarding the ethical conduct of our agency. We trust them. By the end of the house, my heart was open and fully ready to receive the information in store.

The webinar ended. That second hand moved in slow motion. Finally, the phone rang.

It's a girl :) A sweet baby girl.

Sue gave us all the information they currently have, most of which cannot be shared anywhere until more legal steps are taken. This child is, after all, a legal citizen of Ethiopia and the agency is careful to protect her identity.

Now, we proceed to the medical approval stage, then onto applying for a court date. There are plenty of hoops still to be jumped through, but it's so exciting to finally see the face of the baby that could become ours!

Butterflies

We have been waiting since February. While it's normal to wait this long (and maybe longer), it starts to play mind games with you.

Somewhere about halfway through the Summer, my subconscious convinced my conscious to shift the adoption to the back burner of my brain... to try to pretend it wasn't happening. It's the classic defense mechanism - putting distance to protect yourself, and your emotions. And in truth, there were days that it didn't once cross my mind.

This wait is hard. To know that our child has probably already been born, and is this far away... it hurts my heart.

Last night I had a very vivid dream about receiving a referral. I woke up with butterflies and knots in my stomach: This adoption is real! It's happening. Even if it's 2 more months until we see our baby's photo, we ARE having a baby.

I have had my cell phone next to me all morning - just in case today's the day.

You never know :)

The Scare

When you decide to adopt from another country, you understand that there are risks involved. Maybe the scariest is our absolute lack of control over another nation's government. At a moment's notice, they can act (or not act) as they see fit.

Yesterday, I found this tidbit online:

Adoption Alert
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF STATE
Bureau of Consular Affairs
Office of Children’s Issues
May 13, 2009
Adoptions of Abandoned Children Halted by Ethiopian Court

The Ethiopian First Instance Court has temporarily stopped accepting cases involving abandoned children from orphanages in Addis Ababa , citing concern over a recent increase in the number of abandoned children being brought for adoption. The number of abandoned children from orphanages in Addis Ababa has grown dramatically in recent months and Ethiopian authorities have become aware of possible cases of unethical practices associated with some of them.Currently neither MOWA nor the First Instance Court are accepting any abandonment case from any orphanages in Addis Ababa pending an inquiry. Please continue to monitor adoption.state.gov for updated information on Ethiopia .

My heart dropped to its knees when I read this... a hundred thoughts flooded my mind. I prayed that those children were not unethically obtained by the orphanages. One of the reasons we chose Ethiopia was the sincere need for adoptive parents and the lack of corruption in the system.

Then I worried about our own adoption. "Inquiries" and "investigations" sounded like they could take months... or years. What would happen if everything was put on hold for years? We don't want to switch countries - we still believe our baby is in Ethiopia. Would we just wait and update our paperwork when the time was ready?

I emailed our case manager, who responded very quickly with possibly the most reassuring email I had ever read. The orphanages CWA works with are not affected by this court closure. She also shed some light on the situation - allegedly, one police officer submitted paperwork for 16 abandonment cases in one day. Until they can figure out if he was just catching up on his paperwork (or if this points to illegal practices) the orphanages in question were put on hold.

We are relieved, but are praying this gets resolved quickly. There are parents around the world who already have accepted referrals and now will be waiting indefinitely for the process to continue. And in the event that there IS something unethical happening, I worry that the entire system would be shut down for investigation. Guatemala has been shut down for nearly a year.

God remains in control of our adoption, and we believe he has been there every step of the way, guiding each and every move we've made. There is comfort in believing that if our worst fears are realized, God is still at the helm, weaving our family together through his divine timing and wisdom. He still knows better.

Mother to Mother

Today is Mother's Day.

Daniel made me a sweet card and gift at preschool, and I am more in love with that little man that I ever imagined possible.

But on my mind all day was the baby who doesn't know I'm their mom yet. I keep thinking about that sweet little life, and the difficulties she is undoubtedly facing right now. Even more present in my thoughts has been that baby's birth mother and the situation she is in - one that will soon end in relinquishing her baby for adoption. For her, this isn't a happy Mother's Day.

We are committed to honoring the place of the birth mother in our baby's life. Regardless of circumstance or reason for adoption, our baby's mother is the one God charged with bringing this new life into the world. She is the foundation of our child's genetic, cultural and geographical roots. She is the one our baby will instinctively long for, even without comprehension. But her decision to let nurture make up for nature will mean that her baby will become ours. As close as if the decision had been biological. And as that baby grows up, we will not shy away from talking about her or her place in our child's life story, however awkward and difficult it may be at times.

Today more than ever, I wish I could meet her. I wish I could hug her and comfort her. I wish I could pray with her and tell her how much I think about her. I wish I could change her situation so that this baby could stay in her arms. I wish I could convey the indescribably huge impact her decision will have on our family.

And I wish I could wish her a happy Mother's Day, from one mother to another.

I Dream of Adoption

Really, I do. Every night I dream vividly, in color, and I clearly remember them each morning. Lately, my dreams have been peppered with adoption references - sometimes metaphoric and sometimes crystal clear.

Last night, I dreamt that I received an email from our case manager that said: "Your expected date to receive a referral is approximately August 1st, 2009." Strange. Hopefully it's sooner.

The night before, I dreamt we were adopting two little girls, and in the dream we didn't know if they were Vietnamese or Korean. But they were 3 and 5 years old. I met the birthmom, who fell apart crying in my arms and a bunch of us prayed with her, and hugged her. The mom also passed me a note that said "You have a lovely home, but I don't feel a peace about you adopting the girls." Nice.

It's funny how the theme of adoption is just present in all levels of my consciousness... awake or not.

Moving On Up...

We are slowly but surely moving our way up the wait list. We started at #6 for siblings, and #12 for an infant girl (on Feb. 18th) and as of today (April 2nd) we are #3 for siblings, and #8 for an infant girl. At this rate I'm guessing May or June for a referral?

There is so much to do in the meantime... books to read, adoption groups to join, thank you notes to send, photo sessions to finish editing... but it still feels like a "wait". Which is frustrating given the number of orphans in Ethiopia who need a loving home immediately. I guess that's what red tape and bureaucracy do to the international adoption process... along with providing a reliable and safe system where kids don't get mistreated. I guess I'd prefer the wait over the knowledge that the system is corrupt.

Now I'm off to cruise through amazon.com for a good book on taking care of black skin and hair! Apparently there's a whole other world out there on the other side of the Walgreens aisle. Here I come...!

Did you know...?

So. Now we're waiting. The documents shipped to Ethiopia a few days ago, and we have a few (or more) months ahead of us.

Instead of letting myself grow restless and impatient, I have decided to find a more positive outlet for my energy: Research! It's time to learn all kinds of stuff about Ethiopia.

Here we go... we'll start with the basics...

1. Ethiopia is called the "cradle of humanity". There are 14 discovered human and "pre-human" fossils in the world... and 10 are from Ethiopia. Lots of people believe that the human species originated in Ethiopia. All kinds of evolutionary-based debate surrounds the issue, but regardless, Ethiopia is established as one of the most history-rich nations in the world.

2. "Lucy" is one of those recently discovered fossils... she was found in 1974 and is estimated to be 3.2 million years old. She is loosely considered an ancestor of humans - and again, the controversy swirls. But here's the fun part... she was named that because the archeologists who found her were fond of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds". How cool is that! (There's another Ethiopian skeleton that was more recently discovered and is 3.3 million years old... "Selam".)

3. Their annual calendar could be my favorite bit of Ethiopian trivia. They retain the "Julian" calendar, where each year has twelve 30-day months, and a thirteenth month of five or six days. Their calendar is almost EIGHT YEARS behind the Gregorian calendar... so right now in Ethiopia, it is 2001. The year 2002 will begin on September 11, 2009.

4. Ethiopia is widely considered the birthplace of coffee - specifically the forests of the Kaffa region. In fact, the word coffee in Ethiopia is "bun" or "buna", so the phrase "coffee bean" is very likely a poor anglicized interpretation of "Kaffa Bun". I'm looking forward to trying Ethiopian coffee...! It's the drink used to honor guests in the house, and coffee ceremonies are used as get-togethers for friends and neighbors.

Well, that's enough to get you started. I'll keep up the research and post again soon!

A Community Event

Today, we said good-bye to the pile of paperwork we've been constructing for nearly 6 months.

"The Wait" has officially begun.

We double and triple-checked the packet for errors, certain we had missed something. It felt strange to put the forms into an envelope, out of sight. We have been living and breathing this documentation for so long - in a strange way, these papers have come to represent our child. It's hard to "let them go" out of reach - away from the safe blue adoption binder that has become their home.

I went to the bank to get our final money order (this time for the Ethiopian Embassy) and convinced the tellers to let me take a photo of them. I have worked with two of them on everything involving the adoption. They ask about the baby, and I share updates each time I go in.

After the bank, I drove out of my way to the FedEx by the church - there is one clerk who has helped me with each adoption-related mailing and I wanted her to be the one who sent the final paperwork. As I was waiting in line at FedEx, I struck up conversation with a family I recognized from church. Although virtually strangers, we ended the conversation in hugs and tears of excitement. Another couple nearby overhead me and began talking about THEIR adoption nearly 45 years ago, and how proud they are of their adopted daughter and all of her children. The clerk was thrilled to see me, and pulled me aside to confide that there were problems with her Visa and she'd have to return to England before we'd be home with the baby. With tears in her eyes, she said she'd never forget us and was honored that she was able to partner with us during this process.

It is amazing how the mere topic of adoption turns the smallest errand into a community event. People love to hear the stories and are eager to participate via encouragement, advice, or just kind words.

And from the perspective of an adoptive parent, all of those things are always relished and very much needed.

When our child does finally make it home, it will be the result of the collective prayers and diligent work of a community. Now that's a homecoming to be proud of.

USA Says "OK"

We got the official "go ahead" from our agency (dossier is ready!) AND our country (our I-600 was approved). It's always nice when your country is ok with what you're doing. :)

We will mail our documents immediately to Washington DC, then to Ethiopia! Everything is moving right along. It's a little scary, actually. We're quickly approaching the "hypothetical meets reality" stage... kind of like a State Farm commercial. "I'm there."

In other news, I had the strangest dream last night. It wasn't my first dream about our adopted child but it was definitely my most vivid. In the dream Daniel was a little bit older, and we were living in what appeared to be a modified version of our current house. Our second child was a little girl - a tiny bundle of energy who was crawling at warp speed all over the place! In fact, I was having to jog to keep up. She wore purple, was named Lily, and her hair was tied up in lots of small ponytails. What I remember most though was her smile - it was brilliant! Lily had endless energy and was fearless. In fact, in the dream I commented to Fernando about how adventurous she was - unlike Daniel who tends to be very cautious when trying new things. Lily was a dare-devil!

It was a beautiful dream - I'm curious to see how much of that turns out to be prophetic and how much was just last night's dinner!

Milestones Abound

Drumroll please! It's time for the sentence we've been waiting to say for six months: Our paperwork is done.

Well, almost.

Last week, we met with our favorite notary (and good friend!) and notarized a stack of documents that would put any mortgage paperwork to shame.

The next day, Fernando took a few of the forms to the Secretary of State's office in Phoenix and returned with some lovely authentication forms bearing beautiful seals. Maybe they were just beautiful because we have been wanting to see them for so long. Regardless, they are the final pieces to our dossier.

Today we sent copies of our dossier to our case manager with other miscellaneous forms. If there are changes to be made, we'll most likely know within the week. After those changes are made, we will have the original document sent via courier to the Ethiopian Embassy in Washington DC where everything will get authenticated one more time. (Just for fun!) Then on to Ethiopia.

It feel so real suddenly... to be nearly past this part of the process feels impossible, especially after so much of our time and energy has been devoted to assembling the necessary documents.

Our goal was to be here before Christmas - so far, we're right on track!

Dear Ethiopia

This letter is part of our dossier. It is our chance to speak from our hearts directly to the country of Ethiopia, and to explain our reasons for adopting.

December 10, 2008

To the Federal Democratic Republic of Ethiopia:

Thank you for your consideration of our family in this application for international adoption. We appreciate and respect your time and effort.

We know without question that God placed the desire in our hearts to adopt internationally. After extensive research into various programs and countries, we decided on what our hearts had known from the beginning: Ethiopia was the birth country of our next child.

Ethiopia captured our hearts for many reasons. As Christians, we were already aware of the rich history of Ethiopia, and its Biblical ties and references. The ancient culture, like the rock structures in Lalibela and the natural history, like the impressive Tis Essat falls, serve to remind us of our place in a much larger world than we dare imagine. No amount of poverty can mask the inherit beauty of the people, and the very land itself.

Our family is a happy one - we have one very healthy biological child, and could have conceived again. Our decision to adopt from Ethiopia was not driven by medical reasons. Our decision came from an overwhelming desire to take into our family a child who desperately needed a home. A child that would add to the celebrated cultural diversity already present in our home.

Our hearts break daily for the economic hardships facing Ethiopia. We are already committed to her as a country – financially and prayerfully supporting the efforts and charities that will make a difference in the lives of struggling Ethiopians. Now we long for the opportunity to profoundly impact the life of just one Ethiopian child by committing to him or her our lives and love. We long to follow God’s model of family – his divine plan of adoption. We are all, after all, adopted into His family.

We are committed to the significance of birthplace ties. We understand the need each of us has to stay connected to our culture and homeland. We know why it’s imperative that adoptive parents faithfully encourage adopted kids to participate and grow in their relationship with their own homeland, through education and travel. We are committed to that decision and lifestyle.

Thank you again for your consideration.

Respectfully,

Fernando & Carrie Fay Amaro

A Good Family

Last week we packed up, headed for Texas and spent nearly a week with my entire family. With four generations sitting around the table, I could not keep my mind off of our future child.

We aren't the perfect family - we all have our idiosyncrasies and annoyances - but we are a good family. Full of love and laughter. And sometimes petty fights and stressful situations... but I suspect that's every family.

All of our kids, whether adopted or biological, are very fortunate indeed.

I know they will love their time spent in Texas, on the farm. They will love the doting attention by extended family members and the late night movies and popcorn. They will love playing in the dirt and mud and with the cows and chickens. They will love crafts and projects, and learning to quilt and use power tools. They'll love learning to play Canasta and do huge puzzles. They will love hearing the trains and counting the cabooses!

That farm holds some of my dearest childhood memories and I am so excited to see my kids develop their own traditions and adventures.

And it's fun to think that some unsuspecting child in Ethiopia has a future playing with cow patties and barbed wire! :)

The Elephant in the Room

It's naive to think that everyone will immediately be supportive of an adoption. The truth is, to everyone but the adopting parents, it comes as somewhat of a shock. We have expected questions and concerns from the beginning, but it's still a little disheartening to me when they come up.

Family members want to know why you aren't having more biological kids - they want the blood line to continue. People ask why you aren't adopting domestically. They wonder about the finances, if you're rushing into things, how you can be sure that the child is healthy and wasn't conceived from rape or drug use. And the elephant in the room is usually the issue of race - this child won't look like me. (To which I usually say, "Neither does my biological child!")

It's normal for family and friends to have these questions and concerns, but it's important to get past them. To have honest conversations and discuss your reasons for adopting and the answers to their questions: A continuing blood line isn't the only way to build a family. Kids everywhere need homes - the USA has a domestic adoption program and Ethiopia doesn't. Trusting God on finances and timing is the only way to survive an adoption. You can't guarantee the health of a biological child - this is no different. Babies born from rape or drug use didn't ask for that fate and they need/deserve a family too.

And regarding the elephant in the room... it only remains an elephant until we call a spade a spade and acknowledge the racism all around us. Racism is a disease that is culturally transmitted and embedded. It isn't an evil act to recognize the disease in each of us - after all, we don't choose to be taught what we're taught. But it absolutely IS a problem to let it co-habitate peacefully in our subconscious. We have to be intentional and active in rooting it out of our psyche and multi-racial families and communities are a (big) step in the right direction.

God has provided a strong network of support for us - we have nothing to complain about. And the truth is, once friends and family members meet the new child, all worries and concerns will fly right out the window. Race disappears when a personal relationship begins - of that, I am 100% confident.

It's just a matter of surviving these few months until that time.

Red Tape

When you decide to adopt internationally, everyone tells you to expect red tape, mountains of paperwork and all kinds of hoops to jump through... and they aren't kidding. This picture is what our dining room table looks like right now.

Yesterday our whole process got effectively bumped back another month by one tiny change in the paperwork process we're wading through. For those of you who don't mind boring tidbits, here's what happened...

The dossier consists of about 25 documents (per parent) that need to be created in a very specific way, notarized in a very specific way, and in a few cases, authenticated by the state (with a fancy seal) AFTER they are notarized in a very specific way.

Basically, you are supposed to start by having 2 of those forms notarized and sent to the Secretary of State's office for authentication. While you wait approximately 4 weeks to get it back, you gather the remaining documents and are ready to rock by the end of that month. (And by "ready to rock" I mean ready to proceed to step 15 of 30 in the entire process...!)

One of our good friends also happens to be a notary and is helping us by notarizing her way through our heap of paperwork. Yesterday we all sat down for round 1 of notary fun. WHILE we were sitting there, I received an email from our case manager explaining a change in the process... regarding the form that was being notarized at that very moment. Now we have to send one of the forms to the state AFTER the other forms are created, completed and notarized. So now we have a few weeks of paperwork followed by an additional 4 weeks of waiting on the state.

I'm just venting... we're ok with everything - this is a normal part of the process. But just when I think I have my head around everything, something changes.

By the way... if we adopt a girl, we're going to decorate her room with purple.

Timely History

Last night, we elected an African-American president. By a landslide.

I sat on the couch after Daniel fell asleep, wrapped up in a blanket with my jaw in my lap at what I was witnessing. It was one of those "I'm watching a history textbook get written" moments, and I could imagine telling my great-grandchildren about the first black president. The energy... the freshness... the united voice of our country. The nearly million people crammed into Grant Park in front of my favorite backdrop in the world - the Chicago skyline. The unbelievably gracious concession speech by John McCain moved me to tears - he pledged his support to his new president and urged his followers to do the same.

The sheer enormity the decision our country made is almost too big to get my head around. I am proud of what that represents, and excited to see what Barack Obama does in office. I have reservations too, as we all do every four years on November 5th. What his presidency will be known for has yet to play out - but what his election stands for is crystal clear.

I am excited for our Ethiopian child... proud that they will become citizens of our country under the leadership of a man with Africa in his veins. I can't think of a better time in history to adopt internationally, or a better time to embrace a multi-ethnic family.

"Honey, you might not look like Mommy or Daddy, but you DO look like the president."

I couldn't be prouder or happier about what happened last night.

Fun Photo

Our agency is wonderful! The Ethiopia department sends updates constantly about the program, the status of the adoption, and even the not-so-fun stuff like the growing tension between adoption agencies and the locals in Addis Ababa. It's sad to hear that culture clash is so prominent, and rooted in so much misunderstanding (on both sides). We'll see how this develops over the next few months, but in the meantime, I'm glad they're keeping us informed.

Last week, however, we got a fun email with this picture attached. The email read:

"While you wait for your child from Ethiopia , our staff thought you would enjoy and appreciate a photograph of a typical Ethiopian house, from the Awassa and Wolaitta regions of Ethiopia . The houses across the country of Ethiopia are very similar."

Interesting!

Heart Break

This has been bothering me for weeks. The whole premise of international adoption is strange and sad -at it's basest level, it's steeped in grief and loss. Adoption in general is rooted in loss, but international adoption adds the culture shock/loss and disorientation that can make a painful situation even more excrutiating for a child - even an infant.

So, why are we doing it? Why does my heart ache every time I think of taking a child from their birth country, culture, and family? Doesn't that mean we should stop the process? Why Ethiopia? Why transracial adoption?

Today, I finally understood. We committed to this months ago, and knew in our hearts this was the right thing for our family to do, even without understanding why. But the unanswered questions in my heart finally found their answers today.

In my conversation with our social worker, she used an example to illustrate a point where she described Daniel being ripped from our arms, taken to a new culture, country and home. I began crying at the thought of losing him (even in this hypothetical situation). And then I couldn't stop crying, thinking about how our future child doesn't have what Daniel has. The orphans of the world don't have parents to worry about them, dote on them, and cry at the mere thought of losing them forever. The devastation of their situation hit me like a ton of bricks.

Today I realized something crucial to our adoption process: It's ok to hate this situation. I hate the fact that there are kids everywhere who are relying on adoption. I hate the fact that our future child won't have her birth parents and family to envelop her in love and support. I hate the fact that the word "orphan" even needs to exist.

But it does. And this situation is real.

I know it isn't ideal to remove a child from their birth country. Trust me, I know. But right now, for an Ethiopian orphan, domestic adoption isn't an option. We think our country is in economic distress, but it's nothing compared to daily life in a third world country. After being abandoned by their birth family, our child will have two options: 1) to "age out" of an orphanage and live on the streets, or 2) to be adopted internationally.

It's a profoundly sad situation, but we have made this decision in order to bring as much beauty as possible to a painful situation. Out of the loss and grief, a family can be made complete and a heart can begin to heal.

Home Study

We are officially done with our home study - our part, at least. We had our second appointment today with Terri. Last week, she spent a few hours with us at home to chat with us there, meet Daniel, see the house, and get an idea of what our daily life is like. Today, we met at her office in Phoenix for individual interviews.

Interviews are always a little nerve-wrecking. Terri was very sweet and professional, and did her best to make it easy on us. Still, by the end of my 90 minute interview, I was a sweaty mess and had broken down in tears while talking about the grieving process our child would go through. Fernando, however (who was initially the most nervous) came out with a huge smile saying "That wasn't bad at all!"

It's a little strange to think of someone capturing your entire personality, life, parenting style and history in just a few hours of conversation. Especially when that person potentially has the power to facilitate your adoption, or to stop it dead in it's tracks. Fortunately for us, God placed Terri in our lives as someone who understands God's model of adoption, has experienced international adoption (twice) and can not only facilitate our home study but offer us valuable insight and advice.

The next steps are 1) re-filing our I600A (apparently they stopped accepting personal checks just a few weeks ago!), 2) waiting a few weeks/months for the home study to be finished, 3) begin preparing our dossier paperwork, and 4) complete our online education required by CWA - a Hague Treaty compliance class. Lots to do!

Raising Funds & Overcoming Fear

Money is awkward. That's just the way it is. People get weird when you talk about money, no matter if it's the economy, their corporate budget, their personal spending habits, or who's picking up the tab for lunch.

And babies cost money - no matter HOW you have them. Hospital bills. Supplies. Doctors appointment. Legal issues. The list goes on! With an adoption, there are a few additional fees like travel expenses, visas, lawyers, and fees unique to Ethiopia. It basically adds up to money that we don't have just sitting around!

But every time I start to stress, Fernando reminds me... God is in this thing, and we need to have total confidence that He will not let us down. Even now, He has provided every step of the way. Before each payment is due, we've received just the right amount in a donation, a photo session payment, or a hidden "extra" in our own personal budget.

We're working hard to save our own money and funnel as much as possible into our adoption account. We've just started the fund-raising efforts, even though a few dear friends have already made (very generous!) donations. As humbling as this process is, it's equally exhilarating to know we're petitioning for such an incredible opportunity to profoundly change a life!

Baby Steps

Well, we are off and running. Our adoption journey officially began in June 2008, with a tug on our hearts and a free seminar put on by our agency (CWA) one fateful Saturday morning.

We met another prospective adoptive family, a family who had already adopted from Russia, and a family who had adopted (twice) from Ethiopia. This family brought their kids with them - an 18 month old girl and a 6 month old boy. In meeting those beautiful kids, God confirmed what was already in our heart: We were supposed to adopt from Africa.

Within a day or two, we applied online and even video-taped the moment we pressed "send". We even sat on the bed to do it, much like a biological "conception"! We received word that we had been accepted, and needed to fill out another application. And then yet another one. We joked that we had to apply for the application to apply... I've heard the paper trail for an adoption is long, so it's fitting that it would begin this way.

Now, one month later, we are set to have our required doctor appointments in two weeks. (It's been a nightmare trying to find a doctors office who'd take 2 new patients quickly... but Fernando sweet talked a receptionist into doing us a favor!) All the paperwork has been filled out for our home study agency, and once we get our medical forms completed, we'll begin working with a social worker.

One funny side note - when we dropped the form off for Daniel's doctor to fill out, they called back within 24 hours to say the doctor wouldn't sign anything until he understood the intent - they thought we were putting DANIEL up for adoption! Yikes!

We're excited about Daniel's role in this adoption too... we're teaching him to say "sister", and working on the concept of sharing (ha!). At the initial home study meeting, he was an absolute angel, sitting on the floor and reading quietly until we were done. His grandmother has two little black baby dolls that Daniel adores - he carries them around, hugging and kissing them (and occasionally throwing them across the room...!)

Well, we better get back to the paperwork. In addition to the forms to fill out, we have 90 days to read a textbook on adoption (unfortunately, the reading is not as exciting as the topic...) and then take a test online.

The Start of Something New

Welcome to our blog! This collection of pictures, videos, links, words and stories is designed to do a few things.

1) Keep all of our friends and family updated on our newest adventure: an adoption from Ethiopia. We believe God is calling us to add to our family through international adoption, in spite of the expense and uncertainty. We have no doubt that His hand is in this.

2) Provide ways that you can get involved with the adoption - easy ways that you can help us make an indescribable change in one precious life. It's as simple as downloading a song, booking a photo session, or donating a few dollars online. Every act of kindness adds up!

3) Serve as a record of our sweet baby's life from day one - from "conception", when we committed ourselves to her/his precious life, whatever the cost. When our son Daniel was born, I began a blog about his little life - his earliest experiences, my earliest parenting lessons, and memories he is too young to retain now but will value in the future. Our second baby deserves no less, and her/his story begins even earlier than Daniel's.

No matter your age, being uprooted from your culture and your biological family is devastatingly difficult. As our child grows up, we want them to be able to read about their history with us. About our strong committment to that little life - our constant prayers for him/her. They belonged with us before they were even conceived - and we're starting down the path that God has already ordained - the path to bring our baby home.

Thanks for joining us on this adventure - stay tuned - this next year promises to be one of the most exciting, challenging, exhausting and amazing ones we've ever experienced!