But while I have been not thinking about it, I have had lots of time to think about it. Funny how that works.
And what I have realized is that there is power in waiting. There is depth in delayed gratification and finding yourself at the mercy of unknown reasons and logic. There is a beautiful completion that can only come when you stop being the center of your universe and find yourself a tiny speck in a much larger masterpiece.
Fancy words to only say this: I can't exactly put my finger on it, but something has changed during the wait.
There's a great quote by Sue Monk Kidd that says this: "When you are waiting you are not doing nothing. You're doing something. You're allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be."
We are ready now in a way we were not last year, or even last month. The "us" of last year might have felt prepared to receive our baby, but God knew better. I even feel a little ashamed at how brash we must have sounded - how ungrateful and impatient. But every day since then, God has quietly and faithfully led us to a place of deeper rest in Him, and total trust. He has helped us mature, and has fully prepared our hearts for another child.
We are, finally, ready.
And I never could have understood the need for the wait before going through this process - I'm not even sure I understand it entirely now. But to any parent waiting for their referral, or to anyone stuck in a seemingly endless period of "no answers", let me just say that God is at work. The wait is not just filler - not just a lesson in patience. It has purpose. You can absolutely trust that God has you and your answer on a collision course - you will grow and mature together, and you will collide at the perfect time, in the perfect state of readiness.
Looking back now, that's easy to see.
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