I have dreamt of adoption throughout this entire process... but last night's dream was different. It was abstract, to be sure, but the emotions were fresh and completely real.
I dreamt that our daughter was brought to the house to be with us - but she was blonde, looked Scandinavian, and was a toddler - she ran through the house exclaiming how happy she would be to make this her home. In spite of the social worker's calmness, I kept asking about our REAL daughter - where was she? Who was this? What had happened?
The urgency in my heart to get to our real daughter and find her - and to not accept anyone else in her place - was such a strong sensation. I woke up realizing how very much ours she already is. This baby... this actual little girl... not a theory or a hypothetical. Chosen for us - by us - and already loved by us.
Since Daniel moved rooms, the nursery has been pretty much shut off, out of sight, out of mind. Now it has become this space looming with possibilities, and almost tangibly aching to be filled. It feels deeply empty until she's here to fill the void. Our family of three is suddenly so very incomplete without her here.
Baby girl - when you look back on the process by which you came to the family, I hope you see how very much you were cherished, adored and longed for even before you arrived home. Your place has always been with us.
Now hurry up and get here already.