A Different Child

I hesitate to even document these words, as if the act of giving them voice is in and of itself scarring my kids in the future. But here we go anyway: Daniel and Violet are different.

I know, I know. Obvious, right? Never so much as it was today.

Every Sunday, there is a precious little hour between the end of church and the start of nap when I get to hang out with my kids. The issue with this is that they are 1) tired, 2) tired of being there, 3) hungry, 4) cranky. I am also usually all of those four things.

Violet and I managed to have not one but THREE blowouts during this week's most recent "precious little hour". In retrospect, I see my mistakes (read: my). At the time however, I relied on the parenting wisdom I have gathered from my experiences with an 18-month old Daniel. INEFFECTIVE with Violet.

Mistake #1: Expecting her to come when I called, after just allowing her to run around in a new fun environment (an outdoor dirt lot with tons of "car lot" type colored flags). I should know better. I am used to a child to comes when called - period. Violet is not that child. She prefers to explore her settings and gets caught up in them - she tunes us out. Next Time: I will walk over to her instead of hollering across a bunch of people. Less hollering, Mom.

Mistake #2: Expecting her to oblige sweetly, hold my hand, and walk AWAY from this newly discovered fun new play environment. I must have lost my mind for a minute. Violet does not like holding hands and was far too involved in the fun new play spot. Next Time: I will still make her hold my hand and walk away. I just won't be disappointed when she's not sweet about it and I will not convince myself it's because she doesn't love me.

Mistake #3: Thinking that this particular hour on a Sunday would be a grand time to take a picture of my kiddos wearing cute little hats. Sitting together. Smiling at the camera. WRONG. Next Time: Put the camera down, Mom. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong temperaments all around.

Mistake #4: Allowing all of the above (and more) get to me. As in, really get to me. I spent the better part of their naptime worrying about how badly I had messed up the brief time we had spent together. Yes, I was irritable, irrational, short-tempered and more than once had allowed the "Daniel was never like this" thought to cross mind. (Which led to more mental self-abuse for even thinking the thought).

But Violet is different. Not good or bad - just different. She is adventurous and fiery where so far, Daniel has tended to be safe and sweet. Her defiance is as natural and healthy to her as it is foreign to me. It's a learning curve for both of us - and mostly for me.

In the midst of a stressful moment with her I can lose sight of the beauty in our differences. But in these quiet reflective moments, it's crystal clear: I stand to learn a lot from Violet. Lessons I will miss out on if I insist on making her conform to the parental mold Daniel created in me.

Instead of forcing my unrealistic expectations onto her, I will choose to shift MY parenting to match her personality. And not vice versa.