Ethiopia Day #5

Before I launch into today's list of events and milestones, let me just take a few lines to rave about my husband.

Aside from being the kindest and most compassionate man you'll ever meet, he's also (no kidding) the world's best parent. It's so deeply ingrained in him that he doesn't even realize it, but he has mad parenting skills - mad skills with any kids, for that matter. He's confident in his ability to connect with his children (something I so wish I had) and endlessly creative and resourceful when spending time with Daniel or Violet. He's a marvel to watch, and I'm grateful for such a great resource to learn from.

I have been enjoying watching him approach this new challenge with patience and excitement - and watching him enjoy MY bond with Violet only further elevates him in my eyes. He is amazing, and I'm lucky to have him.

Violet woke up happy and playful this morning, thrilled to see us and wrestle with us in our pajamas before breakfast. She has so much more personality than I was expecting - she's just a ball to be around.

Today was our appointment at the US Embassy where we had to pass three security check points and one interview to get approval for Violet's visa. We dressed up for the occasion and once we were in the waiting area, Violet stole the show - everyone kept telling us how beautiful she was - including adoptive parents of other kids. She really is something special.

But first, we had a few quick near run-ins with the law. Fernando handed the security officer his passport, forgetting that he had tucked a $100 dollar bill in there for emergencies. It took him a minute to explain that it was NOT a bribe. Then he handed him my passport... with another $100 bill inside. The guard was laughing too by this point. He stopped laughing when we set off the security alarms and they had to search our bags. (You are not allowed to take in cameras or cell phones - and we had neither thing - which is why there are no photos of this part!). But we DID have a toy cell phone for Violet that set off the alarms. So her red plastic phone was solemnly placed in the grid of "confiscated phones" on the wall behind the scanning equipment. It was hard not to laugh!

The interview was easy - very straightforward. The actual appointment took place inside a room that looked like a bank, or maybe the DMV. We walked up to a window when our name was called. They asked about her history, and our intentions regarding the adoption - did we understand that this was full and final? (Easiest question we've had during the whole process.) They handed us the visa packet and that was that. Mercifully, Violet waited until moments AFTER the interview was done to load up her diaper with a doozie job that would have knocked out the entire room.

On the drive home from the embassy, we passed through some of the poorest parts of the city. Housing that was no more than a niche in the wall... layered twenty niches deep. Extreme poverty surrounded us and all I could do was hold Mari closer, my heart simply relieved that my daughter would never have to walk barefoot through the sewage. The unemployment rate is over 75% in Ethiopia and an abandoned orphan without any way to get an education would not have a chance at that 25%.

After we got home, we grabbed a quick lunch and nap, and then headed off towards Acacia Village, our agency's mission site. It's a big plot of land with one building under construction and many more on the way. The vision is amazing - to house orphans, yes, but also to serve as a hub for local mission and outreach. To provide prenatal and family services to those who are able to keep their family together. To house missionaries when they visit to ease the cost of doing international mission work.

We toured the facility, marveling at the amount of work done without construction equipment. The stick scaffolding surrounded us, as did workers carrying buckets and bins of dirt, by hand, up multiple flights of stairs. Some painting had already begun and the cheerful hearts and colors contrasted with the construction still underway.

On the drive home I hopped in the front seat to shoot some more scenery photos out the window - we had driven out of the city, into the country. The rolling green hills are simply amazing and we could see more traditional Ethiopian huts mixed in with other homes. Kids walked home in their school uniform, cheerfully waving at us as we went by.

Back at home, we enjoyed a few more lazy hours with our beautiful girl. Her personality is emerging more every hour. She's fiesty. Playful. Inquisitive. She loves laughing hard and playing hard. She smacks things (including us) when she's happy with them. It's like layers are peeling away - layers of defense mechanisms and being on guard - and her shyness and uncertainty has almost disappeared completely.

I love how she...

Wrinkles her nose when she smiles big.

Sings to any and every song.

Loves "clap clap clap your hands"!

Doesn't quite close her eyes when she falls asleep.

Attacks us affectionately - a sweet tiger.

Is learning to kiss, and make the kiss noise.

Eats like she's on a mission - almost anything!

Imitates any noise Fernando makes - she's good.

She had her first bath with us tonight - she's so tiny and dark in that big white tub. This was the first time I really noticed exactly how thin she is. It's not just "cute and petite" - she has ribs, collar bone and spinal bones sticking out everywhere. Her stomach is definitely distended in the bad way, and her limbs are just nothing and so weak. It's heartbreaking yet amazing given the amount of energy she has. She wanted out of the tub until she figured out how to splash - then it got fun (and really wet for those of us sitting on the edge of the tub to help)!

A lot of her behaviors make sense in the light of group living - especially tantrums when food is taken away or when she can't get to a toy she wants. She cries hard and fast when something is taken away, and seems to be very acclimated to being pacified with either bottles or toys. She is definitely not used to NOT having her way. In a strange way, I think she's been neglected AND spoiled at the same time. And she does not like being laid on her back to have her diaper changed - it takes both of us to hold her down to change her! Our sweet little 16 pound pitbull!

Tomorrow we are just hanging out here at the guest house doing nothing but relaxing and spending every waking minute gazing into Violet's big brown eyes! I can't wait.

Ethiopia Day #4 - Part 2

There's just too much goodness for only one Day #4 post. Here's round two.

We got back to the guest home in time for lunch, where Violet happily sat in a high chair between us, eating everything in sight. They weren't kidding about the appetite bit. She ate carrots, green beans, rice and a good portion of my banana yogurt smoothie. She even nodded "yes" towards it when I asked if she wanted more.

After lunch, she loaded up an insane diaper (something told us that the poop insanity was only beginning, with the change of formula and diet), took a bottle, and crashed for a nap in the pack 'n play. We rocked her to sleep... a dramatic change from the way we helped Daniel sleep... but a welcome sweetness in our new regime of attachment parenting. She slept well, not waking to the noisy street out our window or to the sound of our conversation. And Fernando and I spent the better part of that nap just watching her sleep.

We expected her to wake up crying and disoriented. As she started to stir, we leaned over the crib to watch her... she slowly opened her eyes... focused on each of us for a minute... then broke into the biggest grin we had seen yet. And the rest of the afternoon was amazing. With each passing hour she relaxed more and by the evening, we had a positively gurgling, babbling, playful, laughing, silly, affectionate and 100% different child than we had met that morning. It's amazing what 8 hours can do.

We both held her and played with her, but already she started showing strong attachments to me (which is apparently very common with kiddos who most likely have not seen many males in their life). Especially when she's hungry or tired, she wants her mama.

There are not words to express the joy I feel in her attachment to me. When I come into view, her face displays happiness and relief. She chooses me over anyone in the room, Ethiopian or otherwise. The connection is already strong and there is no question that she's responding to me as her mother. And I already feel like her mother - maybe the bonding feels more natural since I already have a child - or because I understand that bonding is a long process, not a quick instance.

She has been our daughter legally for weeks, but it's truly a relief to meet her and find out how much it already FEELS like it.

Here are some of our first observations of our sweet Violet, and the condition she was in when we first met.

- Her smile melts the room - three teeth in, the fourth about to break through. Consequently she drools like a crazy woman.

- She crawls a pace or two at a time, then has to rest. She pulls to a stand, but can only take steps if holding on with both hands. And she only walks sideways.

- Her legs and arms are much longer than I expected... but there is no muscle tone... they are tiny and you can feel through to the bone.

- There are deep sores/cracked skin under her nose.

- She says "da da da" and the more relaxed she gets, the louder she gets!

- Her toes, fingers and feet are all long and narrow - so delicate.

- She claps in perfect rhythm to whatever song we sing - and drums her hands on things.

- She sleeps on us easily, and is a very heavy sleeper, but tosses and turns quite a bit. Definitely sucks her thumb to self-soothe.

- Her hair is very curly - a whole headful of tiny perfect ringlets.

- We tried to give her a pacifier, but she doesn't understand it. She just blows bubbles on it.

- She loves mirrors, toys and especially the cardboard packaging the toys came in.

I could go on and on. But I know we'll get to know each other so much more in the days to come. Tomorrow is our Embassy appointment - another very important day in our lives. If all goes well, she'll be granted a visa with which she can leave the country.

This whole journey has been a long string of little and big events, and today was one of the big ones. The biggest. She's with us now.

Ethiopia Day #4 - Part 1

Today is the day that will change our world forever. And each and every butterfly in my stomach is fully aware of that fact.

I had trouble sleeping - I laid awake from about 4am until the sun rose. Fernando and I laid in bed watching... ironically, "The Blind Side" on his iPod to pass the time and keep our minds occupied. The nerves are unlike anything I have ever experienced before - wedding, childbirth, new jobs... nothing holds a candle to this. I kept thinking I would actually throw up. The anxiety was unbelievable.

But one verse kept coming to mind: Romans 8:15. God has not given us a spirit of fear... but of adoption. This is what we were made to do. To love people and create families that supercede genetic and cultural borders. To open our homes and hearts. Even through the dance of the killer butterflies, this feels right.

We sat with Kim & Eric, our new friends, telling random stories to keep our minds off the nerves until 10am finally came. The drive felt endless and as we pulled up to the foster home, we had our game plan ready: Since there were two families meeting their kids, we each would videotape/photograph the other. The other family was going to go first, so we assumed our posts with the cameras, and I looked up to the window and saw... my daughter. She was being carried by a nanny who was pointing to me and telling her "It's mommy". Mari's face was blank (as expected) but I recognized her immediately... those striking eyes and lips... so incredibly beautiful.

After our friends had met their daughter, we met ours. Helen brought her to us, and held her while we let her see us and relax a little. She wore a pink and white striped onesie, a denim jumper, old white shoes and santa claus socks. I took her in my arms and she was quiet for a minute, then started crying. But as soon as I started whispering in her ear ("Isoche, Mari" means "It's ok, Mari"), she became very quiet, and leaned against my chest. With both Fernando and me, she let us hug her close, but if she saw our faces, she began crying again.

Honestly, hokey as this might sound, I believe she recognized our love, just not our faces.

During that first hour, we witnessed a huge transformation in her personality. At first she was just quiet. She sucked her thumb and leaned on us, falling in and out of sleep. She didn't cry after those first few minutes, but her eyebrows remained furrowed - she appeared quietly concerned. As she warmed to us, she quickly began smiling and even laughing a little. She loves to be rough-housed, so we tickled her, squeezed her tight, kissed all over her face and she just melted. The bond begins.

We got to see where she had been staying - it was clean and brightly colored, just extremely limited on space. We got the distinct impression that she spent most of her time in either her crib or a (very) small crawling space.

We spoke with the nurses to get a quick medical rundown. They told us she was healthy, but had just gotten over thrush, a lip fungus and an upper respiratory infection (that she still had, from what I could tell). She apparently has a great appetite, takes six bottles a day, and already eats table food. They also said she rocks on her hands and knees to fall asleep.

The agency put on a coffee ceremony for our families, and while we sat in the shade, Violet ate her first snack with Daddy - Gerber puffs. But she tried to get to a cup of coffee instead. She played a little with Helen - there definitely was a special bond between them, but the transition didn't feel painful or awkward like I expected. In fact, all the nannies and nurses seemed to have a special thing for Violet - I got the feeling she might have been "a favorite" - they all kept saying what a happy, sweet, playful baby she is. I know we'll see that side of her soon!

Helen cut off her ankle identification band and I was surprised at the swell of emotion I felt at such a simple action. She was no longer identified by that little tag - she would now be identified with and by us, as a permanent part of our family. Even though she's already legally ours, it felt like her status as "orphan" was lifted once and for all with that little plastic bracelet. The freedom in that little "snip" was amazing.

We asked everyone what they were calling her... if "Mariam" had been her nickname, we would have kept that as a name. But we were surprised at the answers - everyone called her something different. Some called her Mar, some Mari, some Maramawit, some Mariamawit, some Mariam, some Marawhite, and some other variations. It was quickly evident that she didn't know her name - just the sound of familiar voices. By the day's end, she responded as well to Violet as any of her nicknames. So, Violet Mariam it is. But we'll keep Mari as a nickname... there's something tender about the connection with that name.

The nanny we had first seen holding her came out to pray with her before we left... she took both kids in her arms and prayed a long, emotional prayer. The combination of the furvancy of prayer with Amharic (an energetic language, to say the least) was crazy... but Mari slept sweetly on her shoulder during the entire (loud) prayer.

We headed home, with a sleeping baby in our arms, ready for an afternoon with our sweet, perfect new daughter.

The butterflies had finally gone... and our family was finally complete.

Ethiopia Day #3

Holy COW today was exhausting. But wonderful.

We took today to see the capital city, as once we have our daughter with us, we won't be traveling around outside of the guest home. It was hard to delay meeting her by one day (especially since we're SO close now) but in retrospect, I'm so glad we made that choice.

The excitement built throughout the day as an awesome dude named Yoseph took us all around the city. We shopped like mad, visited the National Museum, found the best coffee in the city, went to the leprosy hospital (fascinating that leprosy is still considered a curse in Ethiopia), drove the city for hours (with windows down and cameras working overtime), and had an amazing Ethiopian meal - who would have guessed Ethiopian food tastes better in Ethiopia. (Ginger - guess what - the injera is SUPPOSED to be cold... just much, much better tasting!)

The city actually feels like a combination of Mexico City and Chincha Baja, Peru. The colors, the smells, the overall feel - it is so hard to get our brains around the fact that we are in AFRICA. We saw presidential palaces and the poorest of slums. We saw entire skyscrapers covered with scaffolding made of twigs and sticks. The enormity of the poverty is overwhelming because of the sheer volume - the conditions (while dismal) are better than what I have seen in Haiti, and about the same as Peru.

The streets are packed with people on all socio-economic levels - the amount of life is breathtaking. Fernando said today, "Yoseph told us that there are 7 million people in Addis Ababa - I think I saw them all today!"

On a side note... it's interesting to NOT speak the language. Typically we have traveled to places where we do speak the native language and this was definitely different. We both felt a little left out - ostracized and vulnerable. Amharic is beautiful but complicated. It sounds like an Eastern version of Spanish with extra sounds - clicks and breaths. Written, it is purely symbolic and indecipherable to our (sorely) untrained eyes. On the up side, we could speak Spanish to each other and no one understood a word!

We picked up some special gifts for our daughter, one for each birthday and a special one for her wedding and first child. We found jewelry, dresses, wraps, toys, and lots more... it was so fun to shop for her in HER country and imagine the significance it will all have later. Of course we want to bring her back to Ethiopia at least once, but in the meantime these gifts will be something tangible to tell her story.

At the end of day three, at our guest home awaiting our 10 am meeting with our daughter in the morning, butterflies are in full force. She has no way of knowing that tonight is her last night away from us.

We are mere hours away...

Ethiopia Day #2

We woke up on the second day of our journey mid-Atlantic towards Amsterdam. Landing there was so serene... the sunrise cast purple and pink tones over the city... rivers everywhere... lazy smoke stacks... everything was green and lush. Beyond picturesque.

The airport is by far the coolest one I've seen - like a giant IKEA. We walked into the food court area and Fernando said, "Oh I get it - they aren't trying to be cool - they just are."

We wandered around, found a snack, contemplated getting Mikki a pink bowling bag that said "Amsterdam" and practiced lots of variations of our new favorite word game: We're in Amsterdam I need to find a bathroom. :) Say it out loud a few times. You'll get it.

After two white planes, we boarded a big blue one. Daniel would be so happy. Sitting in the seat in front of me was the sweetest Ethiopian girl ever - she was three, and kept turning around to smile at us, and play little games. It was such a beautiful reminder of the purpose of our journey.

Eight hours later, we landed in Khartoum, in the Sudan. We had to stay onboard while they refueled and picked up some additional passengers.

Arriving in the Sudan was the exact opposite experience as the morning arrival in Amsterdam. The city was brown and white with only an occasional sea foam green military looking building. The landscape was a drab sprawl of rectangular, utilitarian buildings - the oppression was palpable.

It was 104 degrees outside... which should have made me appreciate that during our ninety minute wait, the temperature inside the plane cabin only reached 95 degrees. But it was miserable. Babies were crying and everyone started to get panicky. It was hard to breathe - we used baby wipes to keep our faces cool. Only an hour from Addis Ababa, that wait was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life.

But eventually, the air came back on, and we took off again. And just before midnight, we landed in Addis. We flew through the visa line, exchanged money, grabbed our baggage, and went through security (for what felt like the 15th time since we had left Phoenix).

We were greeted by Zerihun ("Z") along with the director of Acacia Village, our agency's mission site. We met Kim & Eric - a couple who was also adopting a little girl, and staying at the same guest home as we were.

And with the introductions behind us, we opened the door and took our first steps outdoors in Ethiopia. The night was beautiful - the surrounding mountains were dusted with lights. The flowers were blooming and we were enveloped with the sweet smell that always seems to mix with the stench of poverty. But that night, it was only sweet.

The drive to the guest home was in the dark of night, at in that light, we could have been anywhere - Peru, Haiti, or anywhere in Central/South America. We arrived at the guest home to a room that was small but comfortable.

Tomorrow we'll see the city that was our daughter's first home. Tonight, we ended the day by standing on the patio, hugging, and repeating variations of "I cannot believe we are finally here" and "She's out there somewhere..."

Ethiopia Day #1

Today is the day. Phoenix to Detroit, Detroit to Amsterdam.

This morning my eyes opened slowly... lazily. Today is the day. The birds are singing... the sun is shining... wait... why is the SUN SHINING!?! We were supposed to leave for the airport well before sunrise.

We overslept. And I swear you have NEVER seen two people move faster as we threw together what was left to be packed and hurtled our sleepy little selves down the interstate.

We were nervous every mile of the drive. I couldn't stop thinking about her sweet face, and how happy she looked in some of the photos we'd seen. I knew she wouldn't smile at me at first, but seeing the "lack of recognition" blank stare on her face would be hard to stomach. We are strangers to her... but she is already a daughter to us.

Having to watch her say goodbye to her care givers is another worry. They are the ones who love her now, and we will be taking her away from that. My heart is breaking already.

But God says not to worry. Philippians 4:6-7. Instead, pray. So...

Jesus - Be with our daughter now. Prepare her heart for us... open her eyes to see our faces and to know our hearts already. Be in every second of the transition - every single one. We trust you with her heart and with ours. "God knows how much I love you and long for you..." Phil 1:8. You know how much we love her already. Amen.

Phoenix to Detroit felt like a long flight for only being 4 hours. The layover was quick, and from Detroit's gate A40, we left the country. We wouldn't be back without our sweet, new daughter. Here we go!

The Itinerary

We leave for the airport in 63 hours. Not that I'm counting.

For those of you who have asked, here is the lay of the land for next week.

Monday, April 5

KLM/Delta 4645: Phoenix 9:30 a.m - Detroit 4:35 p.m. (4 hour flight)

KLM/Delta 6042: Detroit 5:40 p.m. - Amsterdam 7:35 a.m. (8 hour flight)

Tuesday, April 6

KLM 543: Amsterdam 10:35 a.m. - Addis Ababa 9:05 p.m. (9 1/2 hour flight)

The time difference, by the way, is 10 hours (10 hours later in Ethiopia than it is here, Arizona time). You can see your time difference here. So when we land in Addis at 9 p.m., it's actually 11 a.m. our time... we'll attempt to sleep through our day, and stay awake during our night.

While we are in Ethiopia, we'll be staying at the Ethiopian Guest Home and we'll have our US Embassy appointment on Friday, April 9th. We have met (via email) a few other families who will be traveling the same time we will be, so it will be fun to have friends while we're in Addis :) We have also contacted a missionary who lives there and has agreed to show us around the city! God is pulling together all the details so quickly.

On the way home, here is the schedule:

Tuesday, April 13

KLM 543: Addis Ababa 10:50 p.m. - Amsterdam 5:45 a.m. (8 hour flight)

Wednesday, April 14

KLM/Delta 6059: Amsterdam 10:20 a.m. - Minneapolis 12:20 p.m. (9 hours)

KLM/Delta 8720: Minneapolis 2:15 p.m. - Phoenix 3:35 p.m. (3 1/2 hours)

Thanks in advance for all the prayers! We cannot breathe we're so excited... the house is full of piles of clothes, suitcases, formula packs, blankets, (and other not so exciting things like dirty dishes and a cat box that needs to be cleaned!)

Just a few more days and we're on our way.