Same Sex Parenting

No, this post isn't about parents of the same gender.

It's about the way parents parent different genders differently. (Say that ten times fast.) And honestly, before now, it's something I hadn't really given any serious thought towards.

Before having kids, you consistently hear general statements like "Oh, there's nothing more tender than the bond between a mother and her son" or "Fathers just can't say no to their sweet little daughters". At the time, I just dismissed them as stereotypes to be ignored.

But lately I have started noticing some patterns in our home. And as much as I loathe fitting stereotypes, the patterns align as follows: Fernando and I both are stricter with the kid of the same gender. The old sayings appear to be at least partially true.

Try this on for size: My theory is that it's easier to afford grace to someone you don't entirely understand - it's easier to overlook manipulation and testing when you aren't 100% sure if that's what it really is.

We both love both kids beyond comprehension - with our entire hearts - past what we thought possible. But the fact remains: Men understand how boys think and women understand how girls think. With the kids of the same gender, we have higher expectations based on what we understand.

For example. I'm more likely to give Daniel that 20th hug goodnight when he comes out of his room (again) saying that he's scared (again) - and Fernando is more likely to be tough with him, knowing that he's playing me like a shiny new fiddle. But Daddy's more likely to pick Violet up and comfort her when she's throwing a tantrum while I'm more likely to make her tough it out and use her manners no matter how much she's crying.

Yes, I realize that particular example just highlights my inability to choose my battles (I'm working on this). But I hold to my theory: Dads hold their sons to a higher standard than their daughters and vice versa.

I have heard these words come out of my mouth numerous times towards Violet: "That is not how we act, Violet. We are nice ladies." We. Ladies. Likewise, Fernando often explains to Daniel what it means to be a "big boy" and what kind of behavior is required. When Daniel suddenly excelled in swim classes, Fernando felt a stronger and deeper pride than I did. Why? Because dads know that their sons need to acquire a type of learned courage and adventure to become the kind of men God designed them to be. And right or wrong, moms would be fine with their sons clinging to them in the pool for just one more summer.

Now I know this theory has all kind of exceptions and caveats (like genetics, how much time is spent with the kids and how much coffee each parent has consumed that day) but for the most part, it's true. And aside from simply being interesting food for thought, it's actually been helpful to consider as we continually "fine tune" our parenting styles.

Now, if you'll excuse me - my kids need me. Violet is crying and Daniel is standing by her holding a big stick. But I know my sweet little man would never hurt his sister, so she must have grabbed it and hit herself in the head. And ladies do NOT hit themselves in the head with sticks.