Mother of All Mother's Day

It really was the best Mother's Day ever.

The three of us attended a brunch at Daniel's preschool the Friday before Mother's Day, and spent time with good friends and good food (read: cream puffs!). I had my first "me and my two kids" photo taken by a friend - it's funny how normal that already feels.

(At the brunch I also got my first two questions about Violet's race - from toddlers. It was precious. One girl asked who's Mommy I was, staring at the 2 kids with me who look nothing like me. Another stroked Violet's face sweetly and said, "Ms. Carrie - I think she's black! Is she black?" Their innocence was beautiful.)

Saturday was Violet's birthday and it kind of felt like we started the party on Friday and didn't really stop until Monday - I love "cluster" family events like this. Such a great excuse for celebrations that last for days.

Sunday morning, I woke to sweet surprises from my husband (who is so thoughtful and tender in his gift-giving. I found three little pots, each with different plant seeds inside and a green paint thumbprint of the person who gave me the pot - Fernando, Daniel and Violet. I then found a beautiful new Keurig Coffee Maker on the kitchen counter - love it!

We went to Radiant where Daniel joined us on stage for Violet's dedication. Waiting in the Family Room before the ceremony, I was surprised at how emotional I felt. I cried tears of joy during a familiar song - "Bigger Than My Imagination" - I feel undeserving of the blessings in my life right now. My heart really is overflowing. It was so special to stand on stage together, publicly, as a family of four committed to learning together and growing together. And when Pastor Lee prayed for Violet, "who came all the way from Ethiopia", the sanctuary erupted in loud cheers and clapping (over 1,000 people!). Our church family has been more than supportive, to say the very, very least.

After church (and naps) we headed to Mema & Papa's house where we officially welcomed Summer with the first swim of the season. Violet wore her brand new teeny weeny yellow polka dot... full piece bathing suit. (I'm fairly sure I'm not the mom who will ever put her baby in a two piece.) Her matching hat stole the show and she had a blast in the little pool and the big pool, in spite of what felt like sub zero water temperatures. Violet was given her first pinata (made by Mami, of course!) and we took an obligatory silly family photo to celebrate the big weekend.

The weekend was busy and full... full of family, full of memories, full of special moments...

I have been a Mom for multiple Mother's Days. But this year, honestly, it has never meant so much. And it's not just about Violet... it's about coming to a different place with my identity as a mom. Growing into the role, I guess. Delighting in it in a new way - maybe even growing up a little.

Whatever happened, I have never been happier!

First Birthday

Exactly one month from the day we met... Violet turned one. We didn't want to do a big party and overwhelm her, but we didn't want the day to pass unnoticed!

So, as with each of Daniel's birthdays, we began by enjoying breakfast with our favorite folks: The Garlands. We made all kinds of pancakes, chopped up a few pounds of fruit and went a little nuts with the syrup and cool whip.

The kids played for a while, and Ava and Daniel were a little too eager to help Violet open her present - an adorable black and white outfit and a sweet ladybug book.

After a hefty nap (translation: a chocolate chip pancake induced food coma), Violet and I headed to the park for what can only be described as the world's cutest (and pinkest) photo shoot. She was fairly cranky and unhappy about being on itchy grassy in an itchier tutu... but the cuteness just oozed out of her anyway. There are tons of amazing shots... smiley sweet ones that most folks would prefer... but these four just tug at my heart in a way that the "standard" ones don't.

I won't delve into the nitty gritty details, but I do want to mention that she and I had a breakthrough after the photo shoot - a beautiful, miraculous change in our relationship. My heart changed towards her, softening permanently, and any of the misplaced feelings of frustration I had been directly at her disappeared once and for all. It was beautiful.

A few days later we busted out the cupcakes as a belated celebration... and she went absolute crazy. She ended up destroying three of them... part eating, part smearing, part stomping, part everything else... it was hilarious. I'm certain she had never tasted anything remotely close to "frosting" before in her life... and she frantically worked to get every piece in her mouth before we could stop her. She clapped... squealed with joy... and plastered that hand to her face over and over.

Daniel ate part of one, neatly taking little bites so as not to get dirty (but two years ago, on his first birthday, it was a different story!).

After the cupcake devouring had ended, Violet was air lifted directly into the bathtub and her shoes were carefully recovered from under a thick layer of mainly blue frosting.

It was a colorful celebration, in so many ways. (And I'm not just talking about the bathwater!)

Happy first birthday, little lady!

Our Family

Communications Nerd

Communications Nerd = Me.

Just like with Daniel, I love analyzing Violet's communicative development and watching how she's changing how she expresses her needs.

She is learning sounds and words daily - new syllables appear by the hour. Consonants are being solidified and the babbling is increasing. She says Mama, Dada, Nana (for bottle when she's tired), Baba, All Done ("ah-dah"), More ("moh"), she tries to say Daniel, and I swear she says "yeah" when I ask if she wants something.

She started saying "Ga" (as in "gagagagagaga") yesterday and babbles with a whole host of sounds. She responds when we offer "num nums" (food) and often does the sign for "eat". She says "up up up" with her arms up, to be picked up.

She immitates every click, kiss, or other noise we make with our mouths. She's learning to wave "hi" and "bye", and even to blow kisses. She signs all done, more and please... it's so much fun to teach such an eager learner.

Her latest favorite game: Hearing me say "thank you" when she gives me things. She'll empty her high chair tray contents into my hands (piece by piece) just for the thrill of hearing me thank her!

She is still responding well to both Mari and Violet... and we'll continue to use both names in every day contexts.

I cannot wait to see how she continues to blossom... it's like 12 months of typical communication development on crazy turbo-speed!

Fun With Friends

Violet and I have "played hostess" to a couple of visiting friends over the past weeks.

First, the whole family had an IHOP breakfast and backyard hangout with Ava & Emma (and their parents of course!). It was fun to watch her interact with other kids for the first time since coming to the US. She and Emma were pretty wary of each other, but she and Ava clicked immediately (and every time since that first play date).

Then, Tasha dropped by with her sweet girls to play for a bit and it was fun to watch Violet watch them. She watched their every move and imitated what they did - especially Bree. She's definitely an aggressive player - stubborn too. She will repeated take something away from another child (Bree) even after being told not to... and not because she wants the toy - because she wants to watch the other child (Bree) react. Poor Bree.

Most recently, Carey Bailey came over for breakfast with beautiful little Avery. We busted out the silk flowers and glue gun and indulged our obsession with making flower pieces for the girls' headbands. It's ridiculously fun and easy. And the girls look adorable in our finished masterpieces!

The time I took Violet to the large public park was a bit much for her... I think she was just overwhelmed in general. She watched the older girls (5 years old-ish) play, and every time one would stop to talk to her or tell me she was cute, Violet would reach and lean towards them almost in a caregiver fashion. It was cute, but also felt like misplaced attachment.

For now, we'll steer clear of large public areas and keep our play dates to a small headcount!

Update... as of May 16th, we've seen even more friends, but have spent most play dates with the Garland girls. A few days ago, Violet and Jazzy finally met! Violet is doing very well in social settings, and is not immediately reaching for other adults. She is loving watching other kids and interacting with them!

Her Soundtrack

And I don't mean some epic collection of music that accompanies her life or even the trip from Ethiopia to the States... that's my husband's area of expertise and undoubtedly he has a killer line up of (much cooler) songs ready to accompany his video documentary of the experience.

I am referring to the soundtrack of songs I sing to her as I rock her to sleep. And believe me, they are far less epic.

What comes out of you during a midnight rocking session is not what you are currently listening to. Anyone who currently rocks a baby to sleep will understand me on this: What comes out of your mouth is what you know so well you could sing in your sleep (because sometimes, you are). It's the stuff that you grew up with... or the stuff you sang so many times in college that the lyrics are burned behind your eyeballs.

For me, that's a few things... 1) Broadway Musicals... 2) Christian Rock from the late 90s... and 3) The Oak Ridge Boys. (That's not everything I grew up with... but for whatever reason, it's what's been coming out of my brain lately).

Also... I have been singing lots of old Baptist hymns my mom sang to me growing up. Funny how when you're sung to as a child, those songs NEVER leave you. (Thanks, Mom. I cherish those memories!)

Specifics? Ok, let's see...

1) Broadway. My brain jumps around a lot on these, but has really settled on some standards: Music Man (Lyda Rose Medley; Goodnight my Someone), Sound of Music (Something Good; Edelweiss), and sometimes a stray melody from Phantom, Miss Saigon, RENT or Hello Dolly.

2) Christian Rock. Lots to pick from here as a lot of beautiful love songs to God can double lyrically as love songs to your spouse or child. But I have been singing Third Day's first stuff: "Just To Be With You" (and occasionally "Consuming Fire" in really soothing tones)... Some Bebo from his first album (love me some "A Page Is Turned" as a lullaby)... and Occasionally some Chris Rice - nice mellow stuff.

3) The Oaks. And this is truly what this entire post is about. No group has been such a part of my childhood and even adulthood as the Oak Ridge Boys. Mock me if you must... but I adore them. My parents brought us to their concert every year - we knew their names, histories, and every word of every song. And most of the harmonies, which is impressive. Their music became ingrained in our family identity. During college (and my gig working at a radio station) my sister and I spent the day with the band as they came to town to do a relief concert in the wake of a tornado. It was magical to meet the heroes we had adored for so long - they did not disappoint - as musicians or as kind, funny human beings. I sing "Dream On" to Violet at least three times a day... and each time, I become the 8 year old who laid in bed at night listening to it on repeat. (Although back then it was cassette tapes... so I had to get out of bed to rewind each time. But I digress.) I keep drafting a "thank you" letter in my brain to the group and imagine that I will probably write one.

All of this is just a constant reminder that what I expose my kids to now will dramatically affect what they enjoy later.

And it all starts during those beautiful naptime rockings.

Magnet Madness

Violet's new favorite thing to do: Play with Daniel's (neatly organized no longer) alphabet magnets on the fridge.

Now, I know a lot of kids like to do this. But the way it happened fascinates me.

The day before The Magnet Discovery, some friends were over at the house. A little girl (nearly two years old) crawled over to the fridge and began raking the letters to the ground in a giant mess. I didn't stop her (it's hard to discipline a visiting child who isn't yours!) but I did notice that Violet, in her high chair at the time, watched her attentively. I could see the wheels turning: "I didn't know you could do that. Interesting."

Sure enough, the next day she bee-lined for the fridge and went at it. Once I showed her you can also put them back on the fridge, she was equally as interested in that (thankfully). This afternoon, she spent a good hour playing with these magnets - tasting them, putting them up and down, sliding them on the fridge and on the floor and trying to retrieve them from underneath the fridge when they went MIA.

It was fun to watch her little fingers explore new textures and her brain wrap itself around new concepts.

The Brother Component

Sometime during the last week, Daniel turned a beautiful (metaphorical) corner with his sister.

He truly, truly adores her.

(Ignore the underwear in the photos. We live in Phoenix. It's a desert. It gets hot.)

Every morning he asks for her first thing, even if she's asleep. The second she wakes up, he races in to tell her "Violet - I'm here!"

Every night after she's gone to bed he asks for her. He notices when she's not there, and he's sad.

He now touches her without flinching or pulling away. He is playful - even tries to carry her, awkwardly lugging her backwards by her armpits. (She thinks this is great fun, by the way.)

I have noticed he talk to her more frequently about all kinds of things, not just his standard rotation of baby phrases. He stays with her if I step out of the room and chit chats about his toys or whatever.

This morning we had a perfect moment. One of those "please stop time now and I'll live happily forever HERE" moments. Violet woke up first and she was in my lap, cuddling sweetly and waking up slowly. Her door creaked open and a sleepy Daniel padded in and onto my lap too. He curled up and joined her in the "wake up slowly" process. The sweetness of that feeling... one child in each arm, sharing a lap, their arms and legs overlapping... was indescribable. It was pure honey. We grabbed some baby books and read together for another ten minutes before the lovefest broke up.

And yet not a few hours later, we had one of the most heartbreaking moments of Daniel's transition. Sitting in his room playing with his plastic food, he suddenly didn't want to share with Violet. He came pretty close to a tantrum, which is unlike him. (And so far, sharing with her has been something he's good at). He repeatedly refused, and curled up fetal style half on the floor, half on my lap, sobbing. I held him close and asked quietly if maybe he was upset that he had to share his Mommy with his sister... he sobbed harder and clung to me, nodding. It was tragic and tender, as I think we finally broke through one of the many things he's bottling up. Minutes later, he was fine, and playing happily with Mari.

And speaking of playing... Daniel's new favorite game is "doctor" (more fun details on his blog). But Violet has been his patient a few times - it's pretty darn cute.

And speaking of pretty darn cute... yesterday evening we were eating dinner on the patio and we had all finished our meals except Daniel (who takes an unbelievable amount of time to eat!) So we three played on the grass while Daniel finished. Suddenly we hear this from the patio:

"Hey! I'm right here! I miss you! And I can't wait to see you! I'm right here!"

So cute. And so indicative of the cheerful front he uses to mask his need to be a part of our lives as much as he was before.

He is such a good big brother.

Tidbits

There is just so much I haven't written about and I'm constantly thinking, "I can't forget to blog about this!" But I do forget - more often than not.

So here's my random list of what I could salvage from the black hole that has recently replaced my brain (I'm not sure if I should blame it on turning 30 or having another child!).

Just some fun tidbits over the past few weeks! (And a few photos of Violet all dolled up in one of her thousand beautiful outfits...!)

Multicolor Bath Last week, I was in the tub with Violet. Bubbles and toys abounded and Daniel wanted to get in too. The more the merrier... so in he hopped. We played and splashed and had a wonderful time. But somewhere in the middle of the fun, I glanced down and saw the most beautiful sight - a big tangled mess of limbs - all shades of brown. Me, Daniel, Violet... no one the same... I nearly cried. I love my beautiful family.

The Backwards Scoot Violet was able to crawl a little when we met her, but after seeing the places she stayed, it looks like she was always in her crib or on a small piece of carpeted play room. She discovered recently that she can move in new ways on hard surfaces and now likes to sit on the kitchen floor and use her hands to slide and scoot backwards all over the place. She loves it!

Sweet Sleep I would love to say that we've made major progress in this area, but so far there isn't a lot of consistency. She has slept through the night (April 30th, 2010... I will never forget that date). But typically she wakes a few times each night. The past two nights have only had one midnight waking - and each time she goes right back down with a diaper change and a bottle. But other nights we aren't so lucky, and she reverts to an "every three hours" kind of pattern. Naps are usually twice or thrice daily, lasting anywhere from 30 - 90 minutes. We are still trying to figure out the pattern here... and how to keep her to a workable schedule. We rock her to sleep each time... holding her belly to belly and twisting left and right (and occasionally gently jiggling her up and down). This same routine worked for Daniel too the few times we have rocked him.

Friends in Need It's always fun to be the person who helps someone out - but it's so hard (at least for me) to be on the receiving end of that equation. Some good friends of ours have consistently offered help before, during and after the adoption process... and finally with Fernando out the flu... I caved! They did our grocery shopping for us and showed up with big smiles, bags of food and a beautiful bouquet of cheerful flowers. Huge blessings all around.

Hollow Legs Violet is still eating like a machine. She loves food - exploring the textures and tastes - and seeing which food falls the fastest to the floor. She will tolerate fruit, but only at room temperature. She will eat vegetables until the sun goes down - lima beans, peas, carrots, squash, zucchini... you name it, she loves it. But only when cooked. And she hates bland food - she'd prefer the spicy stuff with plenty of garlic and salt on it. And recently, she discovered a love for cream cheese (which was way more fun for us to watch than it was to actually eat)!

Lasagna Incident of 2010 Before we leave the subject of food... let me just say that Violet WILL eat past her limits (despite what our pediatrician would tell you). She had her first taste of cheese lasagna last week and wanted more. And more and more. After two bowls, Fernando decided that was enough, even though she was lunging at the bowl for even more. We got her ready for bed, gave her some of her bottle, and began rocking her to sleep. Bad move. I sat in the rocking chair to make her more comfortable... she leaned her head on my chest... and... well, I have managed to avoid this very scenario for three years with Daniel. And in one week with Violet... I was covered in a lake of lasagna. The amount of grossness is beyond the grasp of language... unbelievable.

Baby Steps Violet is showing HUGE improvements in her muscle coordination when it comes to walking. Now she will hold one of our hands and walk along side of us, slowly but surely. She can stand on her own for a few seconds at a time and loves clapping for herself after she falls (I kind of think she's clapping for the fall...)! I'd love for her to be walking solidly within two months - it will determine what classroom she will start in at her preschool. I want to limit her transitions as much as possible, so starting in the older room will eliminate another change in the near future.

She is just doing so well. So happy. Growing so quickly in every way.

How much fun is THIS?

Can you tell how much fun I'm having with my little baby doll? These shoes were on clearance at Old Navy (score!). So was half of what's in her closet at the moment.

We didn't let ourselves buy ANY clothing for her before we had an embassy date. Then it was only travel basics.

Now, the floodgates have opened! And I'm going to have to get this mindset under control quickly! :)

Clearance racks are my friends... Fernando just laughs when I bring home a new sundress or pair of shorts for her. The room in her closet it at a minimum, and she has plenty for the next few months, so by necessity my fun will be ending soon.

Still though... for a mom used to shopping for a boy (which really is fun!) this is like Candy Land!

When You Dream

There is a song I have long adored by the Barenaked Ladies: "When You Dream". As far as I know, it was never released on radio and is a lesser known track on one of their mid-career albums ("Stunt" I think).

But I love it. The lyrics, written I believe for the lead singer's new son, perfectly capture what it feels like to watch a baby sleep and dream.

"With life just begun... a sleeping new son... has eyes that roll back in his head. They flutter and dark, he slows down his heart and pictures a world past his bed. It's hard to believe as I watch you breathe... your mind drifts and weaves...

When you dream, what do you dream about? When you dream, what do you dream about? Do you dream about music or mathematics or planets too far for the eye? Do you dream about Jesus or quantum mechanics or angels who sing lullabies?"

We rock Violet to sleep at every nap and midnight wakening... so we watch her sleep a lot. Usually in our arms. And staring down at her moonlit face, it's hard not to wonder what's passing through that beautiful brain of hers.

Does she remember Ethiopia? Her nanny? Does she expect to wake up there?

Does she chase the cats and Daniel through her dreams? Or eat her fill of papaya and green beans?

Does she have nightmares? Is fear going to be a permanent part of her dream world? Will she always fear abandonment? Does she worry that we won't be there in the morning?

Does she think of my face? Does she remember the happy times from the day before or the time I scolded her for touching the cat food?

She's been so very happy since we met her... no major signs of the grieving you're told each and every infant must go through when they leave their birth country and place of comfort. But sometimes that grieving will start a few weeks in, after the baby is situated in their new home. As someone who's had nightmares their entire life, I'm worried that her grieving process will start in her dreams - alone, in the dark.

But for all I know, she's dreaming of chocolate cake and ice cream.

I love that little girl so very, very much.

My Buttons

She pushes them. Well.

I know that every kid is different and typically folks say that their second child tests them in ways their first never dreamed of. As far as I can tell so far, this theory is 100% true.

Violet seems to know exactly how to push me to the edge. She is defiant in a way Daniel wasn't until he was MUCH older. She laughs at my "no thank you's" and will turn around twenty times after I have redirected her away from something she shouldn't touch (outlet, vacuum, etc). She seems to have a gene for finding trouble - I swear she can smell it.

Figuring out how to discipline an 11 month old is tricky regardless of circumstance, but finding out how to set boundaries for one who has been both neglected and spoiled is RIDICULOUSLY difficult. Physical punishment is definitely not an option - it would sent entirely the wrong message. Verbal works sometimes (the aforementioned strong "no thank you") but sometimes it just elicits laughter. We actually wonder if maybe "no" was the word for something funny in Amharic! Putting her in a "time out" of sorts works occasionally - in a crib where she can see me but not touch me.

The worst part of this is me. Her testing brings out a side of me I didn't even realize was there - and it's ugly. Sometimes I respond cooly and calmly - like the textbook super parent. In those moments, I amaze myself.

But typically the anger rises up too quickly and I overreact to her behavior (and then feel guilty for either raising my voice too much or physically moving her too forcefully from the situation). The second after I overreact I know it in my gut - and you can't imagine the guilt that comes with treating such a fragile child with her history in that way. It's unbearable.

I'm getting better at walking away - calling Fernando for help when three rounds of "time out" still leave her laughing at my attempts to guide her behavior. I cannot imagine being a single parent. But sometimes there's no option to walk away - and it takes every ounce of self control to maintain my composure with her.

Even logically understanding all the reasons behind her behavior don't help me - I do understand a lot of it, and the emotional component still leaves me bewildered. It makes me wonder how God keeps his cool when dealing with us, and also makes me understand the Old Testament a whole lot better.

In my rational moments I understand that this is happening for me to develop my character - I apparently need a kind of calmness and patience I haven't needed before. If you are praying for our family now, please pray this for me! These first weeks and months are such a beautiful and critical time for Violet and I want to handle each and every minute with care and love.

I love her so very much... and the vast majority of our minutes together are just pure joy.

It's those pesky "button" moments that I worry will sour the entire batch.

First Week Home

Just the 2 of us!

Well, today Fernando went to work and Daniel returned to school, finally having passed the contagious stage of pink eye. Violet and I enjoyed our first day alone together.

For those of you either bored or interested enough to know the mundane details... read on!

She woke up late... nearly 8 am (I'm not complaining either! I slept until nearly 7:30). We took the boys to Radiant and headed back for the house. After enjoying an entire banana (in record time) I fed her some fruit baby food. She had already learned the sign for "all done" (and can say it too) and today surprised me with doing the sign for "please". A few minutes later during play time, she did the sign for "more" and said the word too... this little lady is a dry sponge, hungry to soak up anything and everything.

We played until about 10:15, watching a "Praise Baby" CD - she loves them and danced along to the music. We read a few books, and I'm happy to see that she's starting to understand what a book is all about. I honestly don't think she had ever been read to before and it took us a few times for her to understand which way the pages go, that she listens while I read, etc. This time she sat in my lap listening well, and helping me turn pages.

She went down for an early nap, and I got some precious quiet minutes to finish one of the Ethiopia blog posts. The nap didn't last long... she often wakes while pooping, leaving her comfortable but cranky. We played with mirrors (she loves kissing herself - like Daniel did) and I couldn't resist but get her dolled up in some sunglasses and a pink fur vest (thanks, Tasha!) for a few photo opps. We enjoyed the late morning sun outside, then she played at my feet in the kitchen while I made lunch.

Not surprisingly, she eats pretty much everything. She chowed on sauteed red peppers and zucchini for lunch, with a few bites of barley cereal. She even played with a fork and if I pre-loaded it with food, she was able to feed herself. She was beaming with pride.

Post-lunch nap was longer (more blog fun for me) and then we watched the last half of "The Proposal" together while playing on the living room floor. Violet survived her first accident at the house - she slipped and hit her teeth on the leg of a chair - lots of blood, but she was fine just minutes later. (Of course it had to happen on MY watch!)

We took some silly videos for Fernando, then headed out to Target for MORE pink coat hangers (thank you Mikki for the explosion in her wardrobe!) We dropped off some ice cream at Radiant, then picked up Daniel early from preschool. He was so happy to see her... showing her off to all his friends and teachers.

The three of us hit Culver's to share an ice-cream cup with Oreos (Daniel's favorite). But Violet was much more interested in tearing up the napkins and applications to Culver's Club. We picked up Fernando at work... enjoyed dinner together... bathtime... bottle... bed.

All in all it was a fun day. Honestly, it was a little awkward at times, as I feel like I'm learning to just be home with her. I constantly worry that I'm not enough entertainment and she's wishing she'd rather be elsewhere. But I know we'll get into our routine quickly. We have lots of fun errands to run tomorrow, then breakfast company from friends the following day! Exciting.

Now I'm off to bed at the ripe old hour of 8:30 p.m. I guess I didn't realize how tiring today actually was! Peace out, people.